Understanding Resentment
Resentment is like that annoying song that you can’t get out of your head. It’s an emotional loop that plays when you feel someone has treated you unfairly, disrespected you, or just generally done something that rubbed you the wrong way. And, just like that catchy tune, resentment doesn’t always leave on its own. It tends to build up, especially if we don’t talk about it or deal with it right away. The longer it hangs around, the more it messes with your head and your mood.
Resentment is always linked to someone or something.
Picture resentment like a small rock in your shoe. At first, it’s just a little annoying, but if you keep walking around with it in there, it’ll start to hurt. If you don’t address it, it could end up making every step feel uncomfortable. Resentment works the same way. If you let it fester, it becomes bigger and harder to ignore, leaving you feeling upset or bitter about a situation or person.
Resentment Scale
Let’s break down resentment with this handy scale, so you can see exactly where you’re feeling it and what it might be doing to your mood. Think of it like a playlist—starting with the light, easy tracks and moving to the heavy beats. Knowing where you fall can help you understand how deep the resentment runs and what it’s really making you feel.
Disappointment
That "meh" feeling when reality doesn’t match your expectations, like a hyped-up movie that turns out to be a flop.
A mild letdown, like getting your pizza but missing the extra cheese you specifically ordered.
Dissatisfaction
Irritation
A nagging frustration, like when your Wi-Fi crashes during a crucial video call.
You can’t let it go—it’s stuck in your mind, replaying like a song you wish you could forget.
Holding a Grudge
Feeling Betrayed
That deep hurt when someone crosses a line, leaving you blindsided and let down.
When resentment takes over, and you’re tempted to act on it, driven by the urge to even the score.
Spitefulness
Mapping the Feeling
Create a personal map of the resentment you are feeling
What’s causing the resentment within me? Why am I feeling this way?
Is it a specific person who keeps acting sus, or is it more of a general vibe that’s built up over time, like one too many Netflix shows with bad endings?
How long have I been feeling this way?
Has this resentment just dropped like an Instagram trend or has it been building up like a slow-burn plot twist for ages?
Which current situation has triggered this emotion the most?
Think of this like when you’re scrolling through your feed and see something that’s the “final straw.” What made this feeling go from “mildly annoyed” to “ok, I’m over this”?
Have I felt this way in the past?
Is this a recurring pattern like the same person always pulling the same stunt? Sometimes, resentment has that repeat button, like when your favorite character keeps making the same bad decisions on a reality show.
What other emotions or sensations does this make me feel in the moment?
Does it make you feel drained like after an all-nighter, or does your body get tense, like when you’re waiting for a big plot twist to happen? Take a second to check in on how this emotion is showing up for you—it’s kind of like knowing when the Wi-Fi is acting up
Resentment: 101
Handy Hacks
Reflective exercises
When to reach out to counsellors:
Here are some guidelines to help you recognize when you should consider meeting a mental health professional:
- When stress feels unmanageable: If academic pressure, deadlines, or personal responsibilities are constantly overwhelming you, hindering your daily routine and productivity.
- Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness: When these feelings stick around for weeks and start affecting your daily life.
- Difficulty focusing or making decisions: If your ability to concentrate or think clearly is noticeably impacted.
- Struggling with relationships consistently: If you’re having recurring conflicts or difficulty connecting with friends, family, or peers.
- Feelings of anxiety or panic: When worries or fears become overwhelming or lead to panic attacks.
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms: Turning to excessive alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviors to escape problems.
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide: If you’ve ever felt like harming yourself or that life isn’t worth living, reach out immediately.
- Changes in sleep or appetite: Sleeping too much or too little, or significant changes in your eating habit
- When you just feel 'off': If you can’t quite pinpoint what’s wrong but feel like you’re not yourself.
- Loss of interest: If things you used to enjoy no longer feel fulfilling or exciting.